Sometimes I don't want to log into Facebook

I was going to post this on Facebook, but felt it wasn't really the right place to post. Truth be told, one of the only reasons I am typing this now is because I just feel like I want to have it written down somewhere. I get scared sometimes to log into Facebook because I worry about seeing comments about my Uncle Alain. I guess I am still sad about the whole thing. I worry so much about his kids, his wife, his family, how they are holding up, etc. Growing up I always felt like I was pretty good with death, but I think part of that is because I inadvertently kept myself too far from the situation to allow myself to feel. I guess maybe I was scared of how I would feel, I don't know. Uncle Alain, I miss you real bad. Every once in a while I stumble upon your funeral program paper and a flood of emotion hits me. When I don't think about it I am okay, but when I see things that remind me, I can't help but miss you, and wish you were around. I guess I kind of don't feel justified in feeling sad since there are others who are closer to you and who feel a greater hole in their heart. I guess that's why I didn't want to post this on Facebook and decided to write it down here. I feel myself wanting to be more and more like you, almost like becoming like you will make sure you will stay with me forever. And sometimes I feel like that is a pretty selfish thing to think. But more than anything, I just miss having you around. I miss your hugs, your smile, and your warm friendliness. I miss having you call the house asking to speak to my dad. I miss your surprise visits and I am really worried about your kids and how they are feeling. I hope to help them feel better and help them make it through this tough time. I also worry about my dad. I try not to comment on anything about you because if it makes me sad, I can't imagine how it must make him feel. I now understand what the scriptures mean about speaking of the Savior's atonement as the balm of Gilead. I am so happy that our Savior provided relief from pain like this. I guess I just need time. I miss you, and I am so very anxious to reunite with you in heaven someday, to feel your warm embrace, and to have you smile at me. I pray all is well with you, and that you are finding great success in your work on the other side. I love you, Uncle Alain, and I love my Savior for providing a way for me to turn these ashes into beauty, to lift the hands that hang helplessly down. God be with you 'til we meet again.