The Best Things in Life. . .

As most of you already know, Lyndsay gave birth today to our second child, Ava Jane Budge. (I don't know why, but I have been really tempted to say that Lyndsay "passed" our child. I don't know why. It isn't like she was a rock or something! Although, I imagine the pain associated with that kind of an experience is somewhat similar to what a girl 5'2" girl must feel trying to push out a 9 lb. 12 oz. baby!) I have been thinking a lot about the whole experience and how it has been very different for me this time compared with the last child we had. I thought that I would share some of my thoughts and emotions that I had throughout the day as Lyndsay gave birth to (passed) our little angel.

Most of you who know me know that I have spoken a little about the differences in anticipation between the two children. With Micah, I was terrified! I mean TERRIFIED!!! I didn't know what to expect, I wasn't totally sure if we were ready, and when we took Micah home, I remember thinking to myself: "I am going to kill this child." (Now, let me be clear in saying that I didn't want to harm my child out of frustration, although I am sure that most parents, including me, have felt that way. Instead, I thought I was going to kill him because of my lack of knowledge concerning raising a child.) Luckily Micah is still alive today, although there were some close calls: using the couch as an art canvas, throwing things at other people including mom and dad, etc. (I feel like I need to let you all know that I have learned, from Micah, that I was more prepared than I knew. I was surprised to find the amount of inspiration, support, and love throughout the entire process and I wouldn't trade my little train conductor for anything in the world. In fact, the two days we have spent in the hospital have been some of the most difficult for me because I have had to be away from my son for so long. Who would have thought that the couch artist would have such an amazing spot in my heart!)

In anticipation for this, our second child, I do not believe there was a single ounce of fear in my body. In fact, I was secretly rooting/praying/hoping that Lyndsay would go into labor early so our little angel could be here! I know Heavenly Father is in control and I was more than happy to accept His will with all of this, but I am sure glad he saw fit to allow Ava to come to us almost an entire week early.

While at the hospital, before Ava was born, I was all smiles. (Part of that probably came from the fact that I actually had a decent night's rest before heading to the hospital. With Micah, Lyndsay went into labor right as we were preparing to go to bed. I didn't sleep for nearly 36 hours! But it was amazing how awake I was and how alert I felt as I was waiting for our little Micah to come! Once he was born, I seriously hit the wall! haha.) I kept looking at Lyndsay and smiling, and looking back at my playing cards (we were playing skip-bo, which, for some reason or another has become our unofficial official "wife's-in-labor"-game.), and then I would look back and Lyndsay and smile. I also remember feeling the butterflies in my stomach. The same butterflies that I felt just before getting on the "rocket" and "re-entry" rides at Lagoon several years back. Almost as if I knew I was in for a roller-coaster of emotional joy. I couldn't help but feel like our little family was going to be more complete.

Well, the time came for Lyndsay to push. I was a little worried about how I would react to the whole process because I tend to be a little queezy with things like that. It isn't that I feel like I want to throw up or anything, I just go light-headed and almost pass out. The funniest part is that I don't even realize what is happening until it is almost too late. (When I was younger, I had to get stitches in my finger and I thought it was so cool to watch the stitches go in. My mom and dad had to tell me to sit down and put my head between my knees before I passed out. I didn't believe them, but as I have been trained by my mom, "I hear and I obey." It wasn't until I put my head between my knees that I realized I was almost a goner!) However, with Ava, I was totally fine. I would look at Lyndsay, hold my breath while she pushed, and then I would peak down at the progress. Lyndsay did great, by the way. She had that "little" baby out in about 15 minutes of pushing. (When she did it so fast, I remembered a line from one of her friend's blogs where her friend said that she felt like her body was made for having babies. I don't know if I would go as far to say that for Lyndsay, but she is pretty close!)

When Ava came out and she first began to cry, it took everything within me to stop keep from crying. I think that my emotions came through a lot more with Ava because I was able to really focus on how I felt instead of rushing around like crazy when Lyndsay was taken away for her emergency C-section with Micah. I just stood there with a HUGE smile on my face, watching as the nurses took over and did all the stuff they had to do. She didn't cry much, which seems to be a pattern with her. I think the only times she has really cried have been when she was given a bath and when she had a bit of a stuffy nose. She is completely opposite from Micah in that respect. (Micah is like me in that he wants to be a part of everything that is going on. He doesn't want to miss one second! Ava seems to be more like Lyndsay: very quiet, calm, serene, and enjoys being at peace.) For me, however, hearing the cry was such an amazing experience. I always thought that movies did a good job of kind of portraying the emotions that come when you first hear the baby cry (the movies always go silent and you hear a single cry from the baby. Everyone gets all happy and blah blah blah). They don't even come close! I can't even describe the kind of love/joy/elation that comes from that kind of an experience. (It makes me wonder how my Father in Heaven must feel when I do things right, or when I come closer to Him in some way or another.)

We spent the next two days coming up with a name. We tried Charly Jane, Alivia Jane, Taytum Rachel, etc. Those four were our main choices until Lyndsay sent me a text message as I went off to take one of my finals. She said, "Hey, how do you feel about Ava Jane?" It felt like the first time I laid eyes on Micah and knew that he was going to be called "Micah." I knew it would be right and that she looked like an Ava. (Now, the rule is that if/when we have our next girl, you can't take our names because if our girl looks like an Alivia, then we are taking it! Our territory has already been claimed so BACK OFF! haha)

Now, our little Ava is stuck in the Newborn Intensive Care Unit trying to get her blood sugar and heart all sorted out. I can't even begin to describe the kind of grief and sorrow that a parent feels to see his/her little child go through what they do. Ava has been such a trooper. In fact, she sleeps through most of all that they do to her (I consider that to be a blessing from my Father in Heaven because if she cried through all of that, I am pretty sure I would lose it!). Despite the difficulty of having to leave her at the hospital when we go home tomorrow, I know that she will be okay. Maybe God is just keeping her at the hospital for a week until we are able to make it through our finals! Who knows? I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case.

Anyway, I could go on and on, but I think that my novelette needs to come to a close. The last few things I have to say have to do with the title of my post. I have heard it said that "the best things in life, they sure aren't free." I think I would have to agree, but maybe not in the way that most would think. I have learned and been reminded these past couple days that the best things in life come at the cost of giving of yourself in order to bless and lift the life of another. It isn't free. It takes a lot of love, patience, and sacrifice (and "bearing down"). It takes dedication and being in tune with the spirit. It takes just a little extra time to stop by, to write a card, to visit, to sit and just be there, to give a hug, a kiss, a gentle touch. Yes, I have learned these past couple days that true happiness, true joy, true love comes from sacrificing oneself in the service of others. Thank you all so much for your sacrifices in our behalf! We sure love and appreciate you!